- Perfect 10 — Vocals from Richie Branson
- Perfect 10 — Challenge from Mark Cooper
- Full Package audio + art + lyrics + both writeups
- Storyteller 2,382 characters across both writeups
TOTAL REACH — 34 plays rank 8 / 21
- VPC SITE 34
TOTAL LIKES — 8 rank 8 / 21
- VPC SITE 8
Club⁴
Vocalist's challenge writeup
To understand the linear notes of my epic ballad of clubbing til my tits fall off, I must first take you back to 1874. A young 95 year old tilapia / artichoke metahuman beast was, wait, I mean, my great-grandfather was born. Approximately 8 months and 14 days after he shnot out of my great-great grandfathers peepee hole and into my great-great grandhousekeeper's vurjeen. Exactly 29 years, 11 months, 4 days, 3 hours, 17 minutes and 54 and a half seconds later, he was talking into, out of, and completely through his confidant Artimar when he stumbled upon a real realization. One that he could grow to love. You could build a super dark, but also totally shiny and friggin' kick-ass building that people can lick toads and smack their parts together in. And so, the very first club was made. Made with a hands. And the grip, the, the grit. And plus, some of moxie. And cement and a couple few bricks. It was made, they say. They say it a lot. They say it was made. My grand greatfather invented dancing in the dark in public! ( I deserve, no, I am entitled to winning this round simply because of my lineage. LET ME WIN. LET US FUCKING WIN THIS ROUND. I'm SO pisst off, serious right now.
Producer's challenge writeup
I don't club. I don't know the difference between a club banger and a club non-banger. The concept of a club banger feels very incidental to me; a song may or may not happen to be a club banger as a side effect of whatever else it is. So to *start* from the idea of a "club banger" felt very unnatural to me. I had no entry point. So I did what any sensible producer would do; I asked Kordlyss (all producers should ask Kordlyss). What even is a club banger? He sent me a link to a theme song from a television program I hadn't seen, called "The Mickey Mouse Club". I did not sample it. I did however go in with a vague memory of its rhythm and kind of started from there, and then tried to build toward something...vaguely clubby. I was unhappy with the first draft of this beat. So I made a few more "clubby" beat concepts, to give Kordlyss some options. He still chose this one, so I spent the rest of the time trying to turn it into something I can at least pretend to stand by. I do not know if this is a club banger or not. But it has risers and drops (if I understand what a drop is) and call and response and things, so...I hope at least one of those things meets the challenge.
Lyrics
welcome to the club! the club who loves clubs! x4 so much we opened a club in our club which only those in the club can come in the club to dance, socialize, swing weapons, play one quarter of cards, compare our webbed phalanges and eat lunch in the form of BLTs or any sandwich cut twice with three toasts jeez, what's the secret password? and do I really need my pants here? yes, keep up, please leave your shrubby lil nub behind cotton no wants to see that we just gon' out let our freak flags fly freely at thee club club club club club got my club in the club and I'm clubbing all the club-less shlubs up in this club I'm the only toe head allowed in here, all other toes are getting stubbed welcome to the club the club who loves clubs! x4 my sandwich? club! my country? club! my fungi? club! my soda? club my toes are clubbed! my fingers, clubbed! my shrimp are clubbed! my venues? clubbed! antennae? clubbed! seven iron? club! my steering wheel lock? is, is, a Tevlaphee actually... my blunt weapons? club! my dumb friends in? clubs! the ones rested? clubs! but like, book or gardening I still look like I should be carded in this club! my suit is clubs! welcome to the club! a thing that I've never belonged to a thing that I never have gone to a card I've never drawn, dude call a spade a spade, this diamond in the rough's heart's just not in it enough to moonwalk, floss and nae-nae all while hitting dem folks and the quan too welcome to the club the club who loves clubs! x4 clubs are for people people are in clubs clubs have doors that people go in people enter those doors and sometimes immediately start to do MDMA and get exceptionally jiggy with it I belong to the survivor's club we're a dying breed like renegade angels with bright yellow beaks and legs bent backwards by the knees it's time for the human sacrifice everyone take a shot of booze and grab your knives we're gonna pick a name out of the hat and whoever gets picked gets stabbed nine times to represent the nine eyes of the great club in the sky that made us in it's likeness which is why humans obviously look like clubs with nine eyes fuck wait, can I swear? oh nice, Ryan's the unlucky fucker tonight can I go first? my wife and kids left me and I need something to slice welcome to the club the club who loves clubs! welcome to the club It's prolly skull and bones! welcome to the club Lay in this coffin! welcome to the club
JUDGES' BREAKDOWN
LEX the Lexicon Artist
8.00/10 score rank #16 of 21VOCALS 8PRODUCTION 8CHALLENGE 8I can really see this chorus working live. It's hooky, easy to remember, and effective. I think a club that likes all types of clubs is an interesting concept to write about, and there are definitely some fun bars referencing all of these potential clubs ("I'm the only toe head allowed in here, all other toes are getting stubbed"). But I feel like this results in an unfocused track with no clear aim or thesis. It's just stuffing in as many puns as possible. For a song, especially a club banger, it's always more effective to boil down to 1 or 2 concepts and explore them in detail. I think the beat is reasonably strong, with the required "live elements" and did end up achieving a degree of club vibes. What it's missing is intentionality and enthusiasm, and it shows in MvR's notes. They seemed to be very resistant to this challenge or conducting the listening research required to understand/meet it. "I don't know what a club banger is or if this is one, but I can pretend to be proud of it" feels like they did this challenge held at gunpoint and you can hear it in the result.
Mark Cooper
8.67/10 score rank #7 of 21VOCALS 8PRODUCTION 8CHALLENGE 10Love the "club" rhyme scheme!!! so clever and fun! Production always changes and makes the fun even more playful. I can tell you are having fun making these. Only part I wish that the production drum were a little cleaner specifically the snare. the percussions was very nice though. nailed the challenge for sure.
Klopfenpop
7.67/10 score rank #16 of 21VOCALS 8PRODUCTION 8CHALLENGE 7Curtis Armstrong has such a distinct voice. <3 I love the little motif you took from In Da Club to build your groove around. I like the you flipped into a totally fresh new idea. All the switch-ups and stalls are really engaging. The meta concept works for me. Perhaps the clubbiest song ever. Shout out to our artilapiachoke friend
Ben Tarkus
8.00/10 score rank #10 of 21VOCALS 9PRODUCTION 7CHALLENGE 8This might be one of my favorite takes on the challenge this round. A club who loves "clubs" as an apparent phonetic similarity is too good to hate. I too love a club sandwich, so I hope to be invited to such a prestigious group. While I don't know if the beat on its own would be defined as a "club banger" as you noted, I think the vibe is great and works with the vocals. This is definitively the "club of clubs" theme song and it's worth being proud of.
Richie Branson
8.67/10 score rank #11 of 21VOCALS 10PRODUCTION 8CHALLENGE 8Vocal performance here is enjoyable. Vocalist has slid on this beat with the precision of a Russian figure skater fighting anti-doping allegations. Production is cool, I hear this percussion in the background that reminds me of a certain club banger from back in my years of yore. Think maybe it could be a tad more “clubby” in vibe, but I can still get piggy to this. Would have loved a more pronounced drop of some sort.
Audience score and rank
AUDIENCE SCORE
Aggregated from 82 ballots cast by the public.
AUDIENCE RANK
Out of 21 teams competing this round.
- 30 voters ranked them in their top 10
- 14 voters had them in their top 5
- 1 voter picked them as their #1 favorite
FINAL BLEND
The final score was a 7.21. The song received an average voter score of 4.23 from the community, and an average judge score of 8.20.
The display score blends the audience and judges' contributions at 25%/75%. Here's how The Beatlyss's 7.21 broke down:
(4.23 × 25%) + (8.20 × 75%) = 7.21
YOUR SEASON SO FAR
- Round 1 7.33 / 10 rank #4
- Round 2 7.21 / 10 rank #10
- Round 3 7.45 / 10 rank #11
- Round 4 7.21 / 10 rank #16
- Round 5 8.10 / 10 rank #9 PERSONAL BEST